why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
