I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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