We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
