I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
