i barfeds in our rink
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
