Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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