I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
