I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
