Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
