I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i think i have two assholes
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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