So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
