My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
