what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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