my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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