I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
