living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
