The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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