He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Green mimosas i think yes
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
