Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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