Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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