Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
