new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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