Barsexuality is the new black.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
