my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Sober January is a disaster.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
