Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
