whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
