i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
