Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
