youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
