well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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