He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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