Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
