Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
