The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
