i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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