Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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