I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
