i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
