A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
