I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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