Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
