this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
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Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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