I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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