I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
