This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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