she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
