So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
