just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"