I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
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I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
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Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.