the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
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Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
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Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.