she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.