Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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