imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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