I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
