He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
