Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize