She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.