I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
