i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
