My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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