I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
