I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So. Much. Porn.
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