We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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