Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize