I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
How naked do you want me to be?
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