ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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