You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
porn star boner night. come get it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
