I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
